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Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Big Brother Season 18, Episode 33 Recap

Yes, I missed another episode. Look, the only thing worse than last week’s massacre of the English language by Natalie is this week’s nasal whine from Nicole. With her winning this week’s HOH, I just wasn’t in the mood to deal with it this past Sunday night.

But I’m with you this evening for an episode that quite honestly won’t be real exciting. There’s a POV competition, obviously, but otherwise little happened over the course of the time frame of this show. Be warned, as that probably means a lot of filler of either bad pranks by James or ooooey-gooey baby-love-talk from Nicole. (I just threw up in my mouth.)

So let’s start off with the reactions to the nominations of Michelle and Paul. Immediately after the ceremony, Michelle says “I’m proud that I didn’t cry. This ain’t my first rodeo.” Little victories, I guess. Nicole babbles about how putting out Michelle doesn’t put much blood on her hands (worse cliche ever), and she put Paul up partly because she doesn’t want Natalie and James to figure out she’s working with Victor and Paul. (They don’t.)

Michelle then hugs Nicole and thanks her for not being mean in her speech. She says she’s just going to be quiet this week so she’s not a bigger target. Paul says it’s his “fifth rodeo”, but this time it’s all part of the plan. He tells Nicole he respects her, and for some reason she replies that her pits are sweating.

In the have-not room, James tells Michelle that “Paul is our target”. You dummy. He really does believe that they’re going to send Paul home this week. In fact, we’re shown a few hours before nominations when Nicole lies about this very subject.

Upstairs, Nicole whines that Natalie “didn’t even say one word to me”. They then talk about Corey’s stupid bribe prize. Paul then joins them, and Nicole believes that the others have figured out their plan. (They haven’t.) Seeing Michelle and James talk means they’re plotting, you. (It doesn’t.) Their only downfall this week could come if Michelle wins POV.

Here’s a worthless point of the weekend. The have-not food for this week is squid and seaweed. Previous weeks have been actual treats, so Corey and Victor are truly pissed. Paul then chases Natalie with a squid. 

POV meeting is next. Everybody but Natalie plays. That’s all that’s needed here, no matter how many diary room quotes they toss in.

James, Natalie, and Michelle are chatting, and Michelle has started to figure out that she is the target. James doesn’t care, though, as he really likes his sandwich. She not only noticed that Paul picked Corey to play in POV, but the two boys have been hanging out with Nicole and Corey all weekend. James really has no clue as to what’s happening in the house. 

At the same time, everybody else is celebrating upstairs. Nicole wonders if they looked “super sketch” when Paul picked Corey. They again go through all the best and worst case scenarios. We get it, Nicole. “But it’s kiiiiiind of scarrrrrrrrry forrrrrrrrrr meeeee.” Ugh.

After the first set of adverts, it’s POV time. It’s a Christmas-themed version of the counting competition from previous season. Every round features a question of the number of a specific item, and after writing their guess they get to hold or fold their answer. 

Unfortunately, this POV is marred by some truly horrendous scripted diary room segment. I’m talking about even worse than in previous episodes. And when it’s not that garbage it’s Paul and Nicole once again babbling the same hopes and fears of the competition. Corey is easily the worst at this, by the way.

In the first round, Paul and Corey folds. Victor is eliminated, and James and Nicole win a point. Only James and Nicole stay in the second round, and Nicole is closer. James is eliminated. Thank God!!! For round three, Corey decides to write a huge, incorrect response to ensure that Nicole wins the round. He does so by guessing one billion, and stupid Nicole doesn’t get what he was trying to do. Paul folds in this round, but Michelle is the closest. Corey is out, and Michelle is one point behind Nicole (who finally gets what Corey did). 

After a set of commercials, we have a round featuring Paul, Michelle, and Nicole. Yes, the HOH and her nominees. “Oh my gosh, I legitimately feel like I’m going to crap myself right now.” Paul folds, and Nicole’s answer is closer than Michelle’s. Yep, she’s the POV winner. Michelle still believes Paul is the real target, and of course she’s wrong.

Back upstairs, Nicole is really proud of herself. She does admit that she didn’t get what Corey was doing at first. We know, Nicole. Victor joins them, and they continue to celebrate. Paranoid Nicole is still worried that the two boys may screw them over, and when Victor heads downstairs to get Paul she babbles that maybe they should take a big swing. (It’s not legit. Nicole even said that she was just giving the show footage.) “To be the best you have to take out the best.” Oh please, Nicole. 

Ugh, I just looked at the clock and there’s still twenty minutes in this broadcast. Le sigh. Victor heads into the bedroom and barely says a word to Natalie and James. She says you can just read his face, and James finally admits he’s a bit paranoid about the boys hanging out with them. James is still convinced that Nicole would never go against their final four deal. Well, wake up (and he refuses to wake up about this all week.) He really, really wants a battle of the showmances. Please excuse me as I gag a bit.

Goofy music comes on, which obviously means we have some filler as Paul and Victor complain about the lack of female company. Zzzzzzz Then there’s more filler garbage about Michelle obstructing her microphone while sleeping. Natalie walks in and she continues to whine about “the fakeness of these people. Nicole plays this innocent, nice girl act, but she’s never been openly nice to me.” She also complains about Victor, and also how ugly she is before she breaks into loud, open sobbing. America, that’s this season’s superfan!!!

Paul is then upstairs with Nicole, and is fine with staying on the block. He tells her that he’s going to act bummed all week. He does throw out some other possible ideas that do include pulling him down. “This is me as in strategy for next week.” it’s also to create some footage so that Nicole can whine about not trusting him in another diary room segment. 

With that silliness over, it’s time for the POV meeting. Despite various comments by Nicole and others, there’s no change in the nominees, and unless something drastic happens by tomorrow night Michelle is definitely history. (And btw, look at what this bitch is wearing during the meeting.)

That’s it. Remember, kids, I suffer for your entertainment, and tonight there was a ton of suffering. What did you think? Who has the worst voice - Natalie or Nicole? Who is the worst at phony diary room enthusiasm - Victor or Paul? And is there anybody with less self-awareness than James? Let me know what you think!!!


  1. What are some opinions about Corey? I watch the feeds and think he's definitely smarter than people give him credit for. I have watched and listened to Corey and Nicole strategize and he seems to know exactly what he's doing. I've read comments people have posted on forums and they attack his gameplay (and character). Thoughts?

  2. I often enjoy the diary segments, they good for a laugh now and then. But tonight was too much. My husband called me for some trivial reason and I spent almost ten minutes helping him and didn't pause the DVR. And sighed when I returned and still had 10 minutes left.

  3. I think your "Le sigh." is my favourite line of this recap! ;) Thank you for suffering through so that some of us don't have to. I personally thing Nicole's voice is far, far, FAR worse than Natalie's. She's the devil's trifecta...tone, pitch AND accent! Yuck.

  4. Nicole has a shot to take out that hyper beard guy who's teamed up with a guy who has been put in the house three farking times and she's going to take out one of the girls? How nuts is this squeakbox?

    Some kind lady will have to explain this catfight lunacy. I don't get it!

  5. Michelle has a vagina. That's always a threat to stupid Nicole.